Beliefs are great right? They give our lives meaning, purpose and a sense of identity and community. Totally! However, when they go unchecked and unexamined, they can actually complicate our preferred ways of living and ultimately create space between the relationships that we care about, and the kind of life that really matters to us. If you are finding that your current situation or life choices aren’t getting the results you want this post is for you. 

Our beliefs are not laying dormant, they are always at work influencing our every decision. These beliefs could come from a family member, religious or spiritual teachings, your gender identity or maybe another group you identify with that is guiding you in ways you aren’t aware. Anytime you get a feeling that you should or shouldn’t do something, chances are it’s driven by something outside you. 

To show you how beliefs affect us I'm going to use a personal example. I’d like to start by defining Feminism. For the purpose of this blog, feminism is an ideology that promotes women as equal contributors in the world, to be treated as equal, and offered the same opportunities and rights as men. I want to acknowledge that there are many other definitions and this may not apply to everyone. Now onto the example. The phrase ‘go make me a sandwich’ has become a vivid representation of chauvinist ideas and patriarchy. It is something every ‘good feminist’ should despise. Feminism as an ideology that fights back against this phrase because it reinforces gender roles and the general disrespect for women. For those who identify with feminism, like myself, this can pose a complex problem. Through this lense it is a trigger when anyone says to me anything about making something in the kitchen or getting a beer. Here’s the rub…I like cooking and being in the kitchen and furthermore I like caring for my partner through food. So now what? If I cook for my partner I’m not a good feminist and if I don’t and tell them to “make your own damn sandwich”, then I’m not the kind of partner I want to be. See how these systems work in ways that are both unintended and end up bringing more judgement and confusion? Of course, this was just one example to show how complex these things can be.

What I’ve gathered through personal experience and my work as a therapist is, no ideology is completely without possible complications. No ideology should be exempt from questioning. Examine ideologies that you view as beneficial, because these same ideologies can be the source of some conflict in your life. In moments of doubt, check in with yourself and ask where these beliefs came from. Did they come from you or somewhere else? Are they working for your benefit or not? It is okay to live life in a way that aligns with your beliefs and values! And it’s okay to let go of the ways those ideologies don’t serve you.

Sometimes the beliefs you hold have consequences that you don't realize, but when you are able to examine them you get to choose what to take and what to leave.